Working Out With a Toddler At Home? Make It Fun.

Yoga with a toddler at home

Stay at home. Work from home. Spouse who works from home. Entertain the toddler. Cook. Clean. Repeat.

Mom brain – it’s science, not a myth

Forget the body. What I really want from my pre-pregnancy days is my brain.

I had no idea about the concept of pregnancy-brain or mom-brain before I got pregnant.
According to studies (Google it up), pregnancy creates changes in a woman’s brain which can last up to two years after birth. (Two years!)

This means losing skills, forgetting where you kept the remote and freezing when you’re unsure how to respond in certain situations. Once, I found my forgotten breakfast in the shelf (found it the same day 😶), and Maya’s shoes in my knitting stash. Frankly, it makes me feel like an idiot.

But here’s the good news. The smarts get replaced by empathy and social skills. As mums, you’re going to solve slightly different adaptive and cognitive problems than you did before you had kids. We lose some, we get some – that’s the deal.

So any new mum who’s reading this, you are evolving into a better person. Be kind to yourself and find a new balance every single day. And if you’re not a mum, be kind and give other mums the space to find and accept their new self.

To the mom who thinks she’s not enough

You know those moms who exercise, pursue their career, don’t ask for help, buy organic ingredients, prepare only healthy meals for the child, keep them active, say no to sugar and television, read to them daily and buy only educational toys? Turns out – doing all that isn’t enough.

We mums are convinced we’re doing a terrible job because we are constantly reminded of better ways to mother – from the media, our spouses, parents, strangers in the supermarket, and our friends. Some of us are too strict, else too lenient, too harsh or too kind, too freestyling or too routine-ish, spend too much time at work or ‘waste’ our time staying at home, we’re too conscious of our looks or don’t care enough, take too much me-time or stopped caring about ourselves.

Modern-day motherhood is tricky. The new generation of mums are probably facing the worst as there are higher parenting standards with lesser support from the community. Criticism is everywhere  We’re taught that asking for help or taking a break is a sign of weakness and we applaud independence. I often feel reluctant to ask for help because, well, I’m an empowered woman, right?

Well, if you’re a mum reading this, I want you to know – what you feel is valid and real. I know you feel guilty about something you did today, but you’re a good mother, and you’re probably having a bad day. You are a kind soul and you do your best every single day 🤗

Travel smart with your baby

Traveling with a baby can be a daunting task – whether you’re flying overseas or taking a train ride to the next state. I went on a holiday to Thailand with my 10-month-old baby. We even took a flight by ourselves to meet the papa at Bangkok, and it wasn’t our first by ourselves. Is it doable? Definitely. Was it a nightmare? May be. It’s harder than I imagined but totally worth it.

I had many questions before flying. Planning and reading up helped, and this is what we did.

Travel during the day

It’s very likely that you’ll land at daytime or noon, making it easier to reschedule your child’s routine. Let me explain. I took a night flight once. My baby slept a little but I didn’t get a wink. We landed at 5 am. There I was, after a crappy night’s sleep with a cranky baby, long queues and awaiting visa procedures in Bangkok. Terrible combination. In contrast, with a day flight, we landed feeling fresh at the airport and it was easier for me to reschedule her sleep and feeding routine.

Tip: Avoid super early flights unless you want to wake up at 3 am with your baby.

Baby carrier, pram, or both?

Choose the carrier, ditch the pram. A carrier was perfect for my trip. I did a little research on traveling to Krabi and Phi Phi with a baby and realized that we’ll be heading to places with no roads i.e. lots of beaches and boat rides. A pram seemed like extra luggage and I left it behind. The carrier was perfect for the flight, loo visits (yes, she was with me all the time), public transport, crowded touristy areas, beaches and boat rides. I didn’t have to keep an eye out for where she was while sightseeing or shopping. However, if I’m heading to a developed country that’s wheelchair and pram-friendly, I’ll pack a pram too.

Tip: If you’re planning to carry your baby, make sure you work out for at least a few weeks before your trip and keep your back strong, because carrying a baby all day can be taxing on your body.

Backpack or baby bag

Going handsfree with a backpack and carrier

I had to choose between an old backpack from my pre-baby days and a lovely grey Skip Hop baby bag. It’s very functional with multiple compartments AND it is attractive. A rare find – you mums will agree. However, the backpack seemed more practical for a flight as it makes you hands-free and distributes the weight evenly. Now, the backpack is my best friend and it goes where I go.

Tip: Keep your bag accessible. The baby goes on you first (front-facing) and then the backpack goes on the back.

Advance taxi booking

Book airport pickups and drop-offs in advance instead of waiting in queues. The convenience is unbeatable and it costs just marginally higher.

Tip: Contact your hotels or travel agents – most of them will be happy to arrange it for you.

How to reschedule across time zones

Wondering which time zone to follow for your baby’s routine? Here’s a tip shared by Malaak Baby Care. When you travel from Dubai, follow Dubai clock time until you land. Once you land, switch to your destination’s clock time. Which means – if the nap time was 11 am in Dubai, it’s nap time at 11 am in the new country. Shifting between time zones is much easier with the help of sunlight and fresh air.

Tip: Be gentle with the change, wake them up in the morning and don’t push bedtime too much.

Follow the routine

Kinda blurry, but that’s the baby bassinet in an Emirates aircraft. Quite cosy

Stay on routine, especially with meals and nap time. Kids love familiarity. In a new country with unfamiliar faces, this may be their only solace. It’s often hard because we come across comments from relatives like, ‘It’s their holiday’, ‘Let them have sugar’, ‘Let them stay up late’, and ‘Let’s skip a nap this one time.’ Remember, you are in charge and it’s up to you to decide what’s better for your baby, even at the expense of being considered rude. Whatever you decide is fine.

Tip: Learn to say NO.

Snacks for the journey

Firstly, check for allergies before you travel and inform flight attendants in advance. Secondly, snacks are your best friends. Pack items that don’t get messy. I learnt not to carry beetroot puree the hard way. DIY squeeze pouches or packaged organic ones like Ella’s Kitchen are great for travel. I’m not a big fan of packaged food but the rules don’t apply when we’re midair. We pack raisins, bread sticks, cucumber sticks and chopped bell peppers, and sometimes purchase some at the airport after checking in. Also, keep enough snacks handy to last you after you land, until reach your hotel. When meals are served on a flight, I ask for extra salad and bread, and the baby is happy.

Tip: Use zip lock bags for packing. You can buy snacks or refill at airport duty frees and lounges.

Pack Smart

Type of luggage

People tend to be kind when they see a mother with toddlers or babies at the airport. Take help when it’s offered – you almost always need it. But there may be that one instance when you have a sleeping baby on you, no one’s around and you’re taking your luggage off the conveyer. So, keep it light and simple and make sure it’s easy to manoeuvre. What worked for me is a backpack, a sleek and light spinner suitcase and a spinner check-in suitcase that’s easy to drag. Other options I would consider are the BagRider, Trunki carry-ons and Skip Hop Zoo Rolling toddler suitcases.

Tip: Pack in advance. Carry luggage that you can handle yourself while holding or wearing a baby.

Pack minimal

Take only essentials in your carry-ons. I was told that mums with babies are allowed a few extra kilos but I was once asked to leave behind some luggage. Fortunately, I had many pockets where I kept my Kindle, mobile, iPad, wallet and travel documents. I got the baby to hold her toy, while we wore our jackets and emptied the baby water bottle. It was sorted but the next time, I’m sticking to the 7kg limit.

Tip: Wear cargo pants and a jacket with multiple pockets to keep all the heavy objects.

What to wear and hand-carry

One of the many uses of our muslin swaddle

Mama and baby – wear comfortable clothes and shoes. Also, bring a change of clothes for you and the baby. I always keep a light jacket for both of us as it gets quite cold on flights. In your backpack, keep a toy your baby loves but hasn’t seen for a few days, preferably one with buttons and lights. It will keep her busy for a while. Keep basic medication handy as it’s easier than searching for pharmacies in a country where you don’t speak the language.

Tip: Make sure you pack a muslin swaddle that’s always reachable. I used it as a blanket, wipe, sunshade, picnic mat etc. and it dries easily after a wash.

Packing for the trip

Pack for all seasons irrespective of the weather forecast. Carry their jacket, summer clothes and a packable hat for you both – it’s easier than holding an umbrella while handling a baby. Keep plenty of socks (warm feet = warm body), a pair of open toed and closed shoes – because you never know what you’ll need at that unplanned trek.

Tip: Before traveling, check which brand of diaper and formula you can buy in the new country, and where it’s available. You can carry much lesser luggage this way.

Tips for the airport and flight

• Authorities often allow you to skip queues
  

  Taking a moment to ourselves at the airport business lounge

  at the airport if you’re with an infant or toddler. But ASK the authorities. Don’t assume.

• Check if your credit cards offer complimentary access to the airport lounge. We’ve taken naps, snacked, showered, used play areas – and it’s never crowded in there.
• Mums with babies are usually given front row seats in a flight. This ensures plenty of leg space. However, if you don’t get the front row, you can request seats at the back as it’s closer to the restroom (think emergency diaper changes). I often request aisle seats because it gives me space to move around. It can get cramped up with a baby on your lap next to a window. However, at window seats, it’s easier to breastfeed with privacy. So, you choose what works for you.
• Breastfeed or give your baby the bottle during takeoff and landing. It helps to pop their ears as the cabin pressure changes. Older kids can be coached to yawn.
• Take breaks. Sit down. Breathe. Take a sip of water and keep your baby hydrated.
• If you have an infant, you can request a bassinet. It’s quite comfy for the baby.

Time to bring on the wine and in-flight entertainment!

How was your experience travelling with your little one? Do share your experience and let me know if you have any questions.

Silver streaks on my belly

Pregnancy changed my body in ways I never imagined – in some good and some not-so-good ways. One of the most difficult things for me to deal with were stretchies.

The first time I spotted them, they were two little lines, almost an inch long. I found them ugly but I was equally amused that they weren’t pink or brown like I had imagined, but shiny and light colored, almost silver. I tried to make peace with it and it definitely wasn’t easy. It makes me feel silly now but the struggle was real and tears were shed. I applied cocoa butter, coconut oil and drank lots of water but they continued to spread with an expanding belly.

One day, I thought about what I’m really getting in return. And that’s all it took. As always, writing helped me deal with it.

Silver streaks
bitter sweet
We sketch together
on my skin

Lines branch out
As your life unfolds
When you grow,
I do too

Little streaks
For your ears
Sparkling eyes
A million lashes

A new line for
Each bubble toe
A beating heart
And curvy spine.

Every mark
Is our secret
Of how we stretched
Of how we grew

*The picture was taken a few months ago and now we have a baby girl.

It’s Father’s Day, not ‘Single Moms’ Day

All day long, I’ve been seeing Father’s day updates and wishes on Facebook addressed to single mothers. The Raymond ad almost brought tears to my eyes. Almost.

But something didn’t fit right.

Then it struck me- it is father’s day.

FATHER’S DAY.

Not single mother’s day.

Yes, there’s a day for that too. 21 March. It’s called ‘single parent’ day.

It took decades after inventing a Mother’s day in 1914 until someone officially declared a Father’s day in either 1966 or 1972. It took people over 50 years to realise that if you reserve a day for mothers, it’s only fair that you credit fathers too.

There’s one day in a year reserved for dads and we snatch it away from them.

Do not misunderstand the point I’m making. Some of my friends are single moms I admire them for bringing up their children beautifully. It’s a tough job and they deserve to be honored too, but today just isn’t their day!

By doing this, you’re hijacking another superdad’s thunder. My dad is a superdad and you’re taking credit away from men like him. It’s almost as if you’re saying, “I know it’s your birthday but Sarah had a bad day. So, let Sarah cut the cake and keep all your gifts.”

But Sarah’s birthday is on 21 March!

Get the point?

And what about single dads? Why are we pretending like they don’t exist? I know such amazing single fathers out there who also take a double extra large effort to ensure their child grows into a good human being. Why aren’t we honoring them on Father’s day?

The concept of Father’s Day came about because of a single dad who raised his six kids alone after his wife died in 1910. By wishing mothers, aren’t we devaluing such fathers instead of celebrating them and making them feel appreciated?

Fathers are fathers, and mothers are mothers

(Ouch! This one is controversial.)

No one can explain this bitter truth better than a single parent. Find out how different the roles are from a single parent. They are amazingly strong Wonder Moms or a Super Dads and they support their kids in every way they can. But most often, they can’t fill up the other parent’s role.

Let’s be mature and recognise that each one plays a different, beautiful, unique role. (I am not talking about abusive fathers here.) Many of you may not agree with me on this one, but try speaking to a single parent and I’d love to hear your opinion.

Here’s the thing. A single parent has one of the hardest jobs on earth and struggles to provide the best for their child’s welfare. But let’s not undercut the fathers on their special day. Let’s celebrate the deserving dads of the world.

Happy Father’s Day.

Also, let’s keep aside the notion that these occasions may just be business gimmicks. Let’s save it for National Argument Day. (No, I’m not making it up.)

Here’s a little something for daddies I found on Youtube.